Sticks

From top to bottom is the proof that this little one is sticking around for a while.  I started testing on 2dpt5dt but of course didn't get a positive til later.  The top is 4dpt and then so on until 18dpt and the line is finally darker then the control line.  It makes me so happy for the California's!!  We have our first ultrasound in a couple weeks and they can't wait to see their little pea or two!  Come on, let the time pass by quickly!

5 weeks along

 My little one took these and she did her best job being my photographer!

Weight Gain: 1 lb weigh gain.  I didn't gain anything from 

Cravings: Orange Chicken, Chocolate, Cranberry Chicken

Aversions: Hamburger Meat, Bananas, Yogurt

Symptoms: Weight Gain, Hunger Pains, Headaches, Nausea all day and every day, Heat flashes, Sore behind from shots, and Bloated, Sore Boobies, Tired, Emotional

What I miss: Maybe not having the constant sick and yuck feeling.  Every once in a while that feeling goes away and it is a breath of fresh air but then it comes back.

your baby's the size of an appleseed!

Your embryo is now measurable -- though at week five, it's a wee .13 inches -- and she's gearing up for much more growth. In fact, in the next week, she'll almost double in size. Grow baby grow!

your baby at 5 weeks

• The embryo doesn't look like much more than a tadpole right now, but at five weeks, she's already starting to form major organs (heart, stomach, liver, kidney) and systems (digestive, circulatory, nervous)

Man I feel like a huge complainer after that.  I really am grateful to be apart of this amazing process and hopefully my Intended Parents are just reassured that their little pea is sticking around.

This is all new to me because with my pregnancy with my daughter I can name on ONE hand the amounts of time I felt like hell.  I knew there would be morning sickness but not the day after transfer and not every single day.  This is going to get used to so please bare with me if I am complaining.  It definitely is not that I am not so excited to be doing this or proud of what is going on but I am just not used to it.  I know the extra progesterone I am shooting in my body probably is duplicating the symptoms ten fold.  This just didn't happen til a little later in my first trimester!

I am tired just from having a toddler and I didn't think it would get much worse.  Boy, was I wrong!  I can be in bed at 8:30 pm which does happen and sleep til 7 am the next morning.  I am good for a couple hours and then I'm dragging again.  My IM gave me these Folic Acid, Vitamin B6 and B12 tablet and I thought for sure that pill would boost my energy.  I will just say I'm still waiting for that boost of energy!  Maybe in the 2nd trimester! ha

Official Beta

Tuesday I have my levels checked per the fertility doctors orders this go around.  I was surprised at how much higher they were then what I thought they'd be.  We figured if it doubled like it should that they would about 80-90 on Tuesday and then double like normal.  They have this myth that if you are carrying twins that it will triple.  I have always felt like I would carry twins but when the "unofficial" beta came back and it only doubled I started to think there was just one pea in my pod!

Tuesday my level was a 143 and so I got a little shock by that.  Was NOT expecting that number.  Not getting my hopes though.  Then Thursday I had my second official beta check and it was at 426.  It had basically tripled.

Either this pea is really strong or there are two peas in my pod!!  We are having an ultrasound on September 7th or 8th and will know more then!

4 weeks...36 to go

I'm going to document this entire process like I did with my little one and it has proved to be different already.

So we transferred August 10 with a 5 day embryo and so I was officially 4 weeks along on August 19!  I have been having nausea and morning sickness, more like all day sickness since the 11th.  At first I thought I was crazy for thinking I could be feeling sick this soon in the game but it is possible people.  It has been interesting because I definitely don't remember getting nausea or sick til I was almost 6-8 weeks along with my baby.

I have been pretty tired!  I mean to the point I'm in bed by the time the little one goes to bed at 8:30pm.  I definitely remember that happening much later.

I have had some aversions to fruit, or maybe it is just the after taste of the fruit.  Whatever it is it didn't settle well and made me pretty miserable!

I am still taking progesterone and estrogen shots and my behind is pretty sore.  I have knots and bruises so badly and I cry and cringe every time I have to stick myself.

I have been asked by a very few people how I have been feeling emotionally about all of this since it isn't my baby.  I have to say that because I have always known it is going to be their biological baby and that it has none of my biology it has been so different.  It is more of a feeling of I am excited for my best friend to have a baby.  When I got pregnant with my baby girl I was excited for me and for the planning and everything that went with it.  This time I know it is for someone else and I am so excited for them.  It was like okay I have a positive pee stick and was excited for them to find out the news.  I will be excited for each part of the pregnancy but in a different way.  It will be excitement for my best friend kind of way!

Unofficial Beta

Since I work for a blood lab I had always decided that I would get my blood drawn just for our own amusement.  I am glad that I did.  It gave us all a little peace of mind too!  The day I got a positive pregnancy stick I got my first beta done to check my HCG levels.  They generally have you do it every two days to make sure that the number is doubling like it needs to be.  If it isn't then it can mean all sorts of things.

On Thursday my first beta came back and it was a 13.  That means that the hormone level at 13 can be detected on a First Response pregnancy test and on a cheap dollar store one.

On Saturday I got my results back and they were 27.40 which means they at least doubled!  We were excited that things were looking good so far.  We are aware that anything can happen since it is so early at this point in the pregnancy.

Holy freaking YEAH!!!

Last night I took it easy and had a great night with my bugs a boo!  We went to the movie and enjoyed the movie theatre all to our self and got Smart Cookie!  So fun!!

Thursday morning I really wasn't going to POAS but I just thought why not.  I honestly thought it was going to be negative again.  I dipped it and set it on the top of the toilet and then continued to get ready for the day.  When I looked a few minutes later I was SHOCKED!!  I started screaming and jumping up and down!  It was a positive!!!  I was freaking out with excitement, it worked!!  It actually freaking worked and I was carrying for this amazing couple!

I am an hour ahead of my IPs and so I called them and probably startled my IM a bit.  Our conversation went something like this....

Mrs. California: Is everything okay?

Me: Yes, I am your 4th child calling to say good morning!!

Mrs. California: What??

Me: You are going to be a mommy again!

Seriously I wish I could have been in person when I told her but I could tell from her voice how excited she was and probably shocked that there last hope had worked!!  I called before her hubby left for work so they got to find out together that they were having another baby!  I talked to their youngest Ms. Diva and she is pretty excited to be a big sister, I don't know if she knows exactly what that entails yet. :)

Since I work at a lab I went ahead and had my blood drawn to just check to see if my numbers would double or not.  Those results for later!

Here is to having a little pea in my pod now!!

 Home test!!

 We drew my blood and took the serum from the draw and put it on to see if I'd get a positive from my blood already and sure enough it was a light line with in a minute!!

POAS.....

Once I left California I made it a goal to wait until at least 5 days post transfer to start testing to see if I would get a positive.  I just couldn't wait that long though and although I knew they would be negative so early I started testing Monday morning.  I thought why not and I knew it would be negative, but it is the excitement of waiting for a positive.

I thought it is too soon so I won't get my hopes up if it is negative until day 6.  Monday I got a negative and I was okay.  I felt like it's fine there is still plenty of time.  Tuesday a negative and I was still feeling confident that it would be positive.  I tested Wednesday and I swear there was a light, light, light line but there just wasn't.  I was a little disappointed about it.  I just wanted it to be positive so badly and want this to work for my couple so badly.  I want them to be able to add to their family.

I told everyone that I was going to wait until Friday or Saturday to test because I couldn't handle another negative.  So we wait.....

Moments

This day has been awaited and planned for months and months now and it has finally arrived!!!!  As I got ready and was in the shower I was so overwhelmed and started to cry.  This was happening!  That sweet Spirit I have felt countless times was going to be and was going to thrive and be given a chance at life.  I literally could feel how excited they were to be given this chance.

We headed over to the fertility clinic and chatted for a bit while we waited.  Mrs. California and I were getting a little anxious for this to go down and then there was Mr. California.  He was a cool cucumber and just was so content.  On the way to the clinic I asked Mrs. C if she was going to cry since I probably would and she said she had already teared up a little.

When we started this journey we had always agreed to transfer 2 embryos and they had four frozen so I always thought that's what we would end up doing.  When we got there we found out that only 1 baby embie made it through the thaw.  We were a little sad about that but it was also a blessing in disguise.  They didn't want to have to make a difficult choice on what to do if they had any left over and this worked the first time.  God took over that part of the decision for everyone!! :)

They called us back and I changed in to my awesome gown and she told us the embryologist would be in soon to explain further instructions for after the procedure.  We waited and waited and the nurse finally came back and she ended up explaining our instruction for afterwards.  This was starting to get real!  It was about that time that I had taken the Valium and I am SO glad that I did.  I know some girls say the procedure is so simple and similar to a pap smear and to go sans the Valium.  Although the procedure was simple and quick once it actually it got started but the speculum just hanging out down town didn't really feel that great.

The doctor came in and IP's chatted a second and then we started the miracle making!!  I won't lie this was one of the most amazing experiences of my life aside from giving birth to my daughter.  I have had many spiritual experiences leading up to this decision and then to this point and this wasn't any different.  It was amazing and I started to tear up almost immediately!

They transferred one little embryo and then I had to wait on the table for 10 minutes and then I could FINALLY empty my VERY full bladder.  Whoever said that was necessary didn't have someone pushing on your bladder and someone in your business for 20 minutes.

It felt so surreal to realize that he just implanted a little start of a baby in my uterus and that I could possibly become pregnant if it was meant to be.  I was taking the meds correctly and doing what they wanted so now it was all in God's hands.  Now we just wait to start POAS!!!

 Valium was starting to kick in and I was feeling really awesome at this point!!

 We originally thought we were transferring both of these little beauties but we only transferred the top on which was a grade A+.  The bottom one didn't expand and wasn't thriving. :(

If you can tell, the little white dot in the center is where the little embie is starting to get snuggled in for a long 9 months!!

Zoo Day!

Friday we all wanted to keep busy since we were so excited for the big day on Saturday!  The night before I asked my daughter if she wanted to go to the beach again or if she'd like to go to the zoo.  She tells me "mom we already went to the beach!"  To the zoo we went!

We went to the Santa Barbara zoo and had tons of fun!  There was lots to see and they had baby giraffes there which were so cute!  The kids did surprisingly well considered we were there during nap time and the two littlest are dependent on nap time.  I would say it was a great day!

We got home and just relaxed and got ready for the big morning!  I can't believe it was finally here!  We had been planning this day for 8 months and it was finally hours away!!

Beach day!

We got up a little early for our final, final ultrasound before the transfer and everything looked great!  We were all interested to see what my lining was since we didn't get a clear answer on Monday.  My lining was a 10mm which is a freaking rock star!!  From the supposed 6 or 7 on Monday to a 10 we were all a little excited about this!!  I felt like I had a royal uterus for how awesome it did! ha

After the ultrasound and getting things lined up for our big transfer on Saturday we went back home to get things ready for the beach!!  Mrs. Cali decided to leave Ms. Diva home which I was sad about but we will for sure have to go another time.  Ms. Diva was running a fever a little bit so we didn't want her to continue to get more sick if that was going on.

The beach was amazing and so much fun!  We went to a smaller beach which ended up being perfect!  We saw a few dolphins while we were there!  We played in the freezing cold water and we built sand castles and just enjoyed ourselves.  I really could be a beach bum, I love it so much!!

Travel time!!!!!

Wednesday we had a plane to catch at 7:30 am and I had set my alarm a couple of times since I am known to hit snooze way too many times.  We would have been on time and not had any craziness going on if I had planned on parking my car at the airport but my ex was taking us and it was 20 minutes just to his house.  Luckily I had packed everything the night before but that meant that I was up til 2 am getting things cleaned and lined up before and I was exhausted!

We barely made our flight, we were totally like on the movies and we were RUNNING through the airport trying to catch our flight!  As we got closer to our gate the lady at the gate said are you so and so and she had a ticket printed for us.  We literally BARELY made that flight.  We were told there our luggage my not make it this flight but would be on the next flight.

The flight was great and it was nice to sit and relax after the chaos of the morning.  My daughter has flown a few times and has never been scared which has been nice since I get nervous flying but this time she was really scared of how high we were.  She normally will sit by the window and look at the clouds we fly through or the little tiny ant cars on the ground til she can't see them anymore.  This time she refused to sit by the window and then needed to hold my hand which was totally fine by me!!  She did really enjoy when we landed though and we zoomed to a stop and it was like a race car.

Since I wasn't expecting to get my bags for another three hours from us landing I took my time.  We stopped and got some breakfast and some hot chocolate!  After an hour I went down to baggage to wait and I stopped to check if maybe my bags had made it by chance, they had!!!  We got in at 8:30 am and the next flight wasn't supposed to get in til 12:30 so that was nice to not worry about waiting for hours and we could just be done there and leave.

It was so nice seeing Mrs. California and the kidlets when they pulled up!  We decided to go to Hollywood and check out the stars and to the theater to see the hand prints.  That was really fun for me but probably not so fun for the kids.  I'll have to come another trip and do the tourist thing with just the adults!  We got ice cream for lunch, yes so nutritious!  The kidlets asked the next couple days for ice cream during lunch or dinner!  You are welcome! ;)

We went to this really neat candy store called Sweets that  I think I will have to visit again next trip!

The rest of the day we just kind of hung out at home and relaxed.  We are planning on going to the beach tomorrow which we are excited for!!!

Blessings #2

My mom's cousin offered to give me a blessing before we left for our trip and I am so grateful for him offering!  I don't have my dad close enough to give me one and it is nice having so many priesthood holders in my life who are willing and able to help!

This blessing helped just as much as the one the day before!!  It was clear this baby is meant to come now and that everything would work out!  We are so excited to see what happens!

Blessings

Since the ultrasound had me a bit shaken up I went down to Utah county and had a doctor I used to work for and asked him to give me a blessing!!

Him and his wife had spent 15 years dealing with infertility and trying to have a baby before it finally happened, so I knew that he would understand the panic and need for this to work for this family.

The blessing was amazing and I immediately felt calm and peace afterwards again.  I had felt peace and calm before the ultrasound and I had it again.

The blessing said:

The pregnancy would work out!
I would have mild discomfort which he felt like I would have morning sickness.
That I need to let go of the grudges I've been having a difficult time with family and some of the reactions I've received from then and other people I have talked to about this.
He healed my reproductive organs and specifically my uterus to have it do what it was suppose to.

This blessing was exactly what I needed and I just have to keep holding onto that throughout this journey!

Ultrasound galore

Today was the last ultrasound to check and see what my lining was doing and I was so hopeful that it was being good and extra fluffy!  I had to take my daughter with me to this appointment but there were other people in the waiting room with their kids so I didn't feel completely like a douche for bringing my child to an infertility office, just slightly like one.

As I was being called back one of my fellow surro-sisters from my Utah group came in with her IP's, they would be hearing the heartbeats that day!  So excited for them and their journey!!

I go back and kindly remind them that I have a latex allergy and would like to avoid fire crotch once again; not fun at all when that happens I will attest to that.  They put me in the room and my daughter gawks at me and asks a few questions prior to them coming in as I lay half covered with this paper thin sheet to protect my daughter from seeing what is going on.  Luckily she was preoccupied with the games on my phone to pay attention to the situation.

The doctor is checking things out and he says he couldn't get a very clear reading and ALL of his readings were smaller then just last week, I'm talking an entire 1mm smaller then last week.  I was freaking out since this was going to determine whether we left for the transfer or if we postponed it or if we cancelled the cycle completely.  He took 6 different measurements and at different angles and things weren't looking too great.  When he was done I told him to check one more time and that was the best measurement we had the entire time but was still smaller then last week but a couple points.  I was beyond discouraged and wondered how the hell my lining could go down since I had not bled at all!!

I went to my car and immediately called Mrs. California and told her about what happened and she said we needed to schedule another ultrasound for later that day.  We were both really nervous about how it was all going to work out with the lining not being consistent and worried that we'd be rescheduling the transfer.

The hours literally dragged on before we got a call from Mrs. California's fertility clinic saying that everything looked good and we would be moving forward with the transfer on the 10th.  We are all so relieved that everything worked out and we wouldn't have to post pone or cancel the cycle.  It was a very emotional day for all of us though and so glad that it worked out!!