Doula version of birth

TJ

This is the birth story for TJ. He was brought into the world through the body of his surrogate, Sarah, to his parents, T and J.  This was a new experience for Sarah’s Doula, Carleigh-Jo, this is the birth story from her perspective and she is so excited to share the story of your birth!

On January 9th, 2016, around 7:00 am, Sarah, J and T entered the Labor and Delivery area of Riverton Hospital to begin the birth of their son.  Sarah was started on a drug called pitocin to help escalate her contractions and get sweet little TJ down and ready for birth.  In a status posted to Facebook, Sarah mentioned that TJ was “posterior” and that she was at a level 8 of pitocin, so I decided to reach out to Sarah immediately.  I informed her that posterior means TJ is facing backwards, and we really want him to turn forward for the best birthing position.  I gave her a few tips and tricks to help turn him, then asked if she needed me there.  Things were a little more hectic than Sarah had hoped for, but she was doing her best to stay in her hypnosis state, as she was trained to do in her Hypnobabies classes, and be in a place of calm and quiet.  This was the first time her nurse, Jana, had experienced a surrogacy birth and was questioning everything she had requested.  Luckily, Sarah and J had picked out an amazing OB/GYN named Kathleen Langer, who was much more willing to sit an listen to Sarah and her needs.  

Sarah and I continued to text one another. We discussed things that were going on, the feelings she was having, and I offered continuous encouragement through it all.  At 10:10am, with pitocin turned up to a level 10, Sarah  decided it was time for me to be at the hospital with her to help her get through contractions and for additional support through them all.  I let her know I would drop my kids off, and be at the hospital in 20 min… As long as I didn’t get pulled over for speeding!  She wished me luck on that, and I was on my way!

When I got to the hospital, Sarah, T, and J were in room 7 (which is my personal lucky number!) I gave the nurses the code to let me in, and there was Sarah sitting on a birthing ball, concentrating and breathing beautifully through a contraction.  I waited for her to finish. When she looked up and saw me, there was a great big smile on her face. She was glowing, and so ready to have this baby!  I wanted to get her up and to the bathroom in order to keep her bladder empty, that way contractions could be more effective in getting TJ down into the birth path properly. Sarah had another friend there, who had recently been a surrogate for twins, to help distract her, her name was Jennifer too!

Sarah was doing the most incredible job of staying in a very focused zone while going through each contraction.  She was breathing and staying calm, though I know in her mind she was going wild and felt very out of control! We were pretty sure that TJ was still posterior, so we wanted to try and get him into a better position.  I tried a technique where I rocked Sarah’s hips, then I would pop one to try to get the baby to turn.  I tried that a few times on her. When we changed position she said there was a lot of fluid coming out all of a sudden, and the contractions abruptly became  much more intense. We kept making sure Sarah’s bladder was empty, and just let her labor on the toilet; sometimes that’s the most relaxing place to be during labor… Without warning, Sarah began feeling very lightheaded, and slightly nauseous.  She thought she was going to throw up, but she never did. We contemplated getting an epidural, but I asked her to just give me a few more contractions without one, before making a final decision. Again, we made our way to the bathroom, and this time I went in with Sarah.  She was crying.  She was hurting, things were extremely intense.  She was hitting a mental block.  I tickled her arms and rubbed her legs.  I informed her that it’s okay to be scared, that birth can be scary, but she has done this before and she knows she can do it.  I reminded her that she WAS doing it.  Her body was working and it was birthing this amazing baby for some incredible parents waiting on the other side of the door!  She gained back some strength and we went back to the bed.  Sarah labored over the bed for a while, as I provided counter pressure on her hips. Sarah’s friend, Jennifer, was taking pictures, and things were feeling very intense.  Sarah was showing many signs of hitting transition.  The room buzzed with electricity, we were all anticipating things happening very fast from here.  We had T and J reach out to the birth photographer, Ginger.  We decided that Sarah should have her cervix checked and see how much progress had been made. Dr. Langer made her way in and proceeded to check Sarah, and I could tell by her expression that the news was not something we wanted to hear.  She looked at Sarah, and informed her she was still at a stretchy 5+, but she was now fully effaced.  

Hearing this news was not encouraging to Sarah. The pitocin was making her body work extra hard, and she had been doing so well to remain in a relaxed state.  It was exhausting.  She was exhausted.  Her body was stuck, it had stalled out.  We anticipated this, we discussed this, we knew this could happen, yet we were all at a loss when it did.  Sarah called it; she had been laboring, hard laboring, and her body just needed rest.  Her mind needed a break.  We informed the nurse that we were ready for the anesthesiologist, and she called him in.  There were hugs and tears all around.  There were words of encouragement and praise given all over.  We were all truly amazed with everything that Sarah had just done for this little boy to be brought Earthside!

Within moments, Benji Rideout, the on call anesthesiologist,  was in the room and ready to set up.  He was a boisterous man, with a voice you could probably hear in the next room! Everyone cleared the room out so only Sarah and I were together.  I held her hand as he rolled her body to one side, scooted her to the side of the bed and asked her to stay very still.  He explained the whole procedure very well, and made sure she was aware of how to use the epidural.  In no time at all, the pain had subsided, the intensity was gone, and Sarah was now at ease.  

We were then ready to have everyone come back into the room with us.  I was rubbing Sarah’s feet to keep the blood flowing, and making sure she was feeling relaxed.  Though J and T have two other children, this was the first biological child for T. Sarah knew it would be special for his mother to be apart of the birth.  As everyone entered, we realized the room was really hot!   With many bodies in a small space, and having her body working so hard the last several hours, had caused Sarah to start over heating.  I turned the heat way down and tried to get the temperature to drop.  But then Sarah was freezing.  I pushed the thermometer back up pretty high, but Sarah was still shivering.  I went and got her MANY heated blankets.  We had her bundled up in a blanket cocoon, and she finally seemed much better.  Until she could feel lots of pressure building up between her legs, that is.  She knew, I knew, we all knew, that now that her body had relaxed TJ was ready to make his debut!  

This was when excitement built among all of us!  We were waiting for the nurse to come to decide if we should do another cervical check.  Sarah swore she could feel TJ already coming out, there was so much pressure!  I pulled the blankets away, and while I couldn’t see TJ there, Sarah’s vaginal lips were parting and opening up for a little baby head!  Once the nurse arrived, we informed her of Sarah’s feelings, and decided to wait for Dr. Langer to come as it was most likely time to push. We felt it was much better for  the doctor to do a cervical check than the nurse.  The only problem was that Dr. Langer was in another delivery room receiving that baby!!  We were told to just wait, and Sarah was told not to act on the sensation of pushing until Dr. Langer arrived.  We all just stared at each other, some of us holding our breath waiting in anticipation for the doctor to appear.  Approximately 20 minutes later, she was finally here!  She did a quick check, and sure enough, it was time for pushing.  We got J in scrubs, Sarah was moved upright in the birthing bed, and a mirror was brought to the side of the bed so Sarah could see how well her pushing was going.  

Dr. Langer was so amazing to work with. She placed J on the stool in front of Sarah to help her receive her baby.  Sarah was still able to feel the pressure building with contractions, and when she was ready she would push!  J helped guide TJ’s head out, and when Dr. Langer informed her to grab his shoulders and turn him around she exclaimed, “I don’t wanna pop his head off!”  With a little giggle, Dr. Langer stepped in rotated TJ around and guided him the remaining way out!  That was it!  He was here! TJ had been born into this world at 16:44, or 4:44pm.  He was HUGE!!   The placenta that came out after TJ was born was one of the largest anyone had seen.  His cheeks were chubby and his legs had rolls.  He was so sweet, and he went to J for immediate skin to skin.  Sarah was crying, J was crying, I was crying.  The entire moment was magic!  Everyone was thanking Sarah, informing her of how incredible she was, and she just lay there beaming.  It was done; she had done this incredible thing for incredible people!  TJ was weighed and he was 9lbs 9oz!  20.5 inches long, and had an APGAR of 1 min-8, 5 min-8;which is a really good score for a big baby!  We all agreed that double numbers were going to be his lucky numbers from now on.  TJ was cleaned up, bundled into a burrito blanket and handed over to Todd for some face to face bonding time.  Tears streaks stained his cheeks, as fresh tears started to well up again.  J was placed in a wheelchair, and the new family that had just been created were taken upstairs to their recovery room.  

Then there was silence.  There was a calmness that settled into the room.  Dr. Langer continued to assist Sarah with immediate postpartum procedures.  She was cleaned up, but her bleeding was still worrisome.  Sarah had past issues of hemorrhaging after birth, and they were keeping a very close eye on it this time.  Things weren’t finishing up as quickly as the doctor would have liked.  We took our time in recovery, I hugged Sarah, I comforted her.  I ensured her she was not alone, and that I would stay as long as she needed.  What she needed though, was her own daughter.  She needed to take all this oxytocin her body created, and be able to transfer it to her own child.

After what seemed like hours, Sarah’s daughter, M, was finally there!  She hopped up on the bed and Sarah smothered her in hugs and kisses.  Sarah had a slight fever, and the nurses and doctors were wary to send her to recovery in case she had developed an infection.  That was when we reminded them that she was covered in about a dozen warm blankets, and that was most likely the cause of the rise in temperature!  Reluctantly we removed the blankets slowly from Sarah to get her body temp to a more reasonable level.   As soon as Dr. Langer felt satisfied with her temp and her bleeding, she was sent to recovery.  We were given a room right next to J, T, and baby TJ.  M was sent over to say hello to the baby while Sarah was checked for her bleeding again.  I stayed with Sarah until her friend was able to be off work and stay the night with her.  She even brought Sarah Cafe Rio for dinner!!  

The night was done, the hard work over with.  Everyone worked together, and supported one another through it all.  A magical moment was created with all these families coming together.  A child was born!  A life was created, and he is loved by so many.  The journey of a surrogate is not always an easy one, but it is so rewarding in the end!

“Little souls find their way to you, whether they're from your womb or someone else's’”

~Sheryl Crow

Huge update

First and foremost, I have to tell you what this little snowflake is since I was keeping it a surprise!  The IPs will be welcoming the cutest little BOY in the next month or so!!  They are so excited and getting things ready for his upcoming arrival!

Since I last posted I had talked about my thyroid being a bit crazy.  That ended up taking care of itself once I got further into the pregnancy.  It is apparently very normal when pregnant for some of your hormones to go whacko, my thyroid happened to be one of those things.  After that it was pretty much smooth sailing and no other scares came up.  I had my glucose test the middle of October and that came back normal and great!  Yay for being able to eat like I normally would and not having any food restrictions.

I hired a doula for this delivery and LOVE her!! :)  Since I won't have my mom at the birth and I am not sure if certain people I've asked to be there will be able to make it I opted for a doula.  I will need an advocate for me and someone to be there for me when this sweet boy is with his parents!  Ms. J and I have met with her and told her our wishes and things we are hoping to happen during the birth!

The beginning of November we had a 3D ultrasound and let me just say this little boy is the cutest thing ever.  He has the sweetest little face; chubby cheeks, perfect lips and LOTS of hair.  Yes, we could see a head full of hair.  It makes me feel better knowing that the insane heart burn I've been having is paying off.

I started taking a hypnobabies class the past few weeks and have really enjoyed the class.  Ms. J has come with me several times and we will make a good team getting this little guy here!  I just need to keep listening to my tracks and practicing my breathing.  I am excited and maybe a bit nervous about this birth since this will be the first unmedicated birth I've had.  The unknown can be a bit scary and not knowing what to really expect freaks me out.

I've been seeing a chiropractor since I was about 16 weeks which has literally been heaven sent.  The further along I get the more I feel like I need an adjustment.  I also just recently started going to get a massage every other week to help with the extra back pain.  I can't tell you how amazing it is to lay on my tummy for the chiropractor and the massage.  To have the extra weight not pull on the middle of my back and feel a tiny bit weightless is amazing!  I joke that I'm going to have to steal the belly thing they have me lay on during these.

I can't believe we are almost at the end of this pregnancy.  It really has flown by and been amazing!  I couldn't have picked a better couple to be part of this journey with.  They truly are amazing and some of my very best friends! :)  We root each other on and encourage each other through all of this.  I love that they have involved me in this process and let me be part of things that they didn't necessarily have to involve me in.  Love them!

34 weeks along already

I have been so behind in keeping up with this journey and now that we are nearing the end I figured I should give an update.  For now I figured I would give a look into this pregnancy via pictures.  This little one is growing like crazy!!

Colpo di fulmine

“Colpo di fulmine. The thunderbolt, as Italians call it. When love strikes someone like lightning, so powerful and intense it can’t be denied. It’s beautiful and messy,
cracking a chest open and spilling their soul out for the world to see. It turns a person inside out, and there’s no going back from it. Once the thunderbolt hits, your life is
irrevocably changed.” 
― J.M. Darhower, Sempre

I loved this quote because it made me think of how amazing and wonderful yesterday was.  We are 6 weeks along now and generally the fertility clinic likes to wait until we are 7 weeks to do an ultrasound to check on baby.  T's mom is in town but leaving today and so she wouldn't be here to see her newest grandchild if we waited.  J convinced them that we needed to have an ultrasound sooner and that we wouldn't be discouraged if we didn't see a heartbeat yet.  It worked and they agreed to do one sooner!

Let me just say how excited I was that we were able to see little snowflake sooner than later, but I think it is safe to say we were all a bit nervous about what we were going into.  I went to lunch before our appointment with J and Ms. L, we were all a bit anxious for our appointment and ready to get there.

We got to the fertility clinic and waited for the doctor to get there.  I was so nervous that we would be devastated after this appointment because something was wrong.  J&T were nervous that there was more than one growing in there.  I will say that my beta numbers were higher than normal so it could have been a possibility that this little one split on us.

The second that little tiny body popped up on the screen I was relieved.  I was so glad to see that this baby was growing and healthy.  It is so stressful in the beginning of any pregnancy but I feel a huge weight lifting knowing that they aren't going to be heartbroken.  I was so happy that baby was hanging out in there.

I was 6w1d when we had our ultrasound and so there was a good chance it was too early to see or hear a heartbeat yet.  To our surprise we saw and heard this little one's heartbeat.  I am elated for us!!  I look over and Ms. L is crying and so I started crying.  J&T are literally just ear to ear grinning.  It is finally more real and is happening.  I have felt a little more guarded with this journey and more nervous about what if and so it was so nice and reassuring to see that there is a baby growing and it's sticking around and not going anywhere.

Honestly I wish I could have bottled that moment in time to remember forever.  I love seeing the looks on mom, dad, grandma and grandpas faces when they saw little snowflake and heard his little heart pounding.  That is one of those most perfect moments and makes this whole process worth it.  The shots are worth seeing them light up and get excited.  Now if only there was a way to make the next 34 weeks to go by faster!

The suspense....

Needed some extra luck to help with the transfer!

This was after I took the Valium and look a little out of it.

Our "snowflake" is practically coming out of his shell completely.  This is what the doctor calls a hatching embryo.

Since our transfer wasn't until 4pm on Friday we had lots of plans to relax and just enjoy the day.  J picked me up from my place around 10am and we headed to get a mani/pedi.  We each picked a green color for some fertility luck.  After we headed to lunch with T at Olive Garden, MMM!  It was so cute to see T get excited during lunch as he was talking about the upcoming evening.  J had massages scheduled for us both after lunch to help us both relax.  I am so glad she thought of it, it was very needed.  I think we both fell asleep during our massages.  The clinic generally says to not wear any perfumes and etc during the transfer and so I had to do a wipe bath to get oils off of my body now.  By the time we were finished with our massages it was time to book it down to the clinic for our transfer.

They wanted us to arrive a half hour prior since I needed to take a Valium to relax completely.  I don't remember feeling so out of it last time once I took the Valium, this time was a whole other story.  By the time they called us back for the transfer I had to hold on to T's arm so I could even walk straight.  I felt very relaxed and so out of it!  J and T kept laughing at me since I was clearly drugged at this point.  I've also realized I get super giggly when I am this out of it.

The nurse came in and gave us information for follow-up and etc.  We waited a little bit and it was closer to 4:20 before the doctor came in.  She explained what she would be doing and we were all glued to the little ultrasound video.

It was amazing to watch this 5 day embryo be placed into my uterus and that hopefully a few days later we would find out if we were pregnant.  I sure hope this little one decides to stick around. :)

I ended up staying at J and T's house during the weekend which was perfect!  It was fun to play games with them and get to know them more.  J is an amazing cook and spoiled us all weekend.  I felt bad though since I was still really out of it and slept most of Saturday away.  Sunday we went to the movies, J and I saw Age of Adaline.  It made me think of how MaK and I went to the movies right before we got a positive test at home.